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Post by Michael Jackson's Wife on Nov 15, 2009 17:41:05 GMT -8
Jeff Dunham: Peanut, where are we? Peanut: ...you don't know? Jeff Dunham: I don't think you know. Peanut: I forgot. Jeff Dunham: What? Peanut: I forgot. Jeff Dunham: You forgot? Peanut: Yeah. We go so many damn places, I *forgot*. [Peanut smiles at the audience; laughter]
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Post by Michael Jackson's Wife on Nov 15, 2009 17:41:50 GMT -8
Jeff Dunham: Where are we? Peanut: I DON'T KNOW! [laughter] Peanut: Help me out. Jeff Dunham: What? Peanut: Help me ou-T. [Jeff reacts as if he's been spit on] Peanut: Sorry.
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Post by Michael Jackson's Wife on Nov 15, 2009 17:42:49 GMT -8
[off Jeff's look, Peanut starts a staring contest] Peanut: I will never *blink*!
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Post by Michael Jackson's Wife on Nov 15, 2009 17:43:19 GMT -8
José Jalapeño: Purple bastard. Peanut: Mexican condiment. Jeff Dunham: A condiment? José Jalapeño: I do not use them. Peanut: You don't? José Jalapeño: And neither did your mother. [laughter]
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Post by Michael Jackson's Wife on Nov 15, 2009 17:43:56 GMT -8
Peanut: You should get drunk and go to a strip club. Jeff Dunham: [confused] Why? Peanut: You'd be throwing your voice in places it should NEVER come from. [laughter] Peanut: A girl comes dancing up to the table, and all of a sudden everyone hears "Let me out!" [laughter] Peanut: "It's dark in here!" [laughter] Peanut: "No coins, please!" Jeff Dunham: Oh, stop it!
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Post by Michael Jackson's Wife on Nov 15, 2009 17:44:32 GMT -8
[Peanut can't remember where they're performing] Jeff Dunham: I wrote it down for you. Peanut: Oh, good. You wrote it down. [Peanut looks at the scrap of paper] Peanut: Ah, yes. I love coming to [looks at the paper again, and sounds it out phonetically] Peanut: Sah... na tah... ah... na. [laughter] Peanut: What the hell is that? [laughter]
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Post by Michael Jackson's Wife on Nov 15, 2009 17:45:05 GMT -8
Jeff Dunham: Will you please tell these people I don't abuse drugs? Peanut: Okaaay! [Peanut turns to audience] Peanut: [seriously] Jeff does not abuse drugs. Jeff Dunham: Thank you. Peanut: He's an alcoholic. [laughter]
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Post by Michael Jackson's Wife on Nov 15, 2009 17:45:32 GMT -8
Jeff Dunham: What are you doing? Peanut: Talking to Jose in his native tounge. Jeff Dunham: Well, don't do that. Peanut: Why not? Jeff Dunham: Well, it makes me feel... left out. [laughter] Peanut: [confused] HUH? Jeff Dunham: Well, I don't speak Spanish. [laughter, as Peanut and Jose turn to stare at Jeff and then Jose sings the 'Twilight Zone' theme]
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Post by Michael Jackson's Wife on Nov 15, 2009 17:46:07 GMT -8
Peanut: You, sir, with the blonde hair and the glasses, what is your first name? [audience member: "Terry."] Peanut: [sing-song] Terry! And what do you do for a living, Terry! ? [Terry: "I'm a business analyst."] Peanut: A... a business analyst. *Fascinating*! [laughter] Peanut: How the hell does that work? Do you go to a business and say Peanut: [Peanut holds his hand to mouth in thought] Mm hmm, mm hmm, mm hmm... You... are a business. [laughter]
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Post by Michael Jackson's Wife on Nov 15, 2009 17:46:26 GMT -8
Peanut: Oh, I love coming to, uh... uh... this town right here! Jeff Dunham: Which one? Peanut: This one. Jeff Dunham: Which is? Peanut: [uncertainly] The one we're in right now...?
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